Grandma Knows All

“Hi babes, what’s up?” She greeted me. I told her I was just confirming that I’d be at their house Friday to take my grandpa to his doctors appointment. “Are you sure that’s all?” She asked. No that wasn’t all, and she knew. She always knows. I was nervous. I’d had a mentally hard swim where I cried and didn’t do what I’d set out to do. 9 days away from my Catalina channel swim and my confidence was completely shaken.

“You’re turning it into work, honey. This isn’t work” she reminded me. “This… this is what you love to do. This is your passion. No cell phones, no one bugging you. Just you and the water. You’re going to get in there, put your head down, and swim because that’s what you do best”.

I cried on the phone about sharks. People keep telling me about the damned sharks. “They don’t want you” she reassured me. “How many hours have you spent in the ocean? No sharks, right? You’re fine. Nana is always watching over you too. There’s nothing to worry about. Just go and swim.”

It doesn’t seem like it, but it really is that simple. I need to turn my mind around. I need to get out of my head. I need to stop focusing on what scares me and what I can’t do- it’s not a productive use of my energy. I need to focus on what i can do. I can pull, i can breathe, i can swim 20 something miles. I can do this. I woke up this morning thinking “I’m calm, I’m strong, i can do this”. I have a feeling those words will be bouncing around my head for the next several days.

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